Some Major Reflection

This year I had the opportunity to take an extended visit home where I was able to travel and visit with people who know me very well and have already played such formative roles in my life. Sitting down to discuss this path that I have been on the past five years, and especially decompressing and reflecting on these last two years in particular, helped to bring me some clarity. Sometimes when you are so enveloped in your current situation it is hard to view things from an objective perspective, where thoughts and interpretations are not affected by emotions of the setting. You can easily make yourself believe something that is completely untrue, or a warped, tainted perspective on the true situation due to rose-colored lenses, or sometimes darkness of doubt. That is why it was so helpful for me while I was at home to sit down with many people who know me very well and are familiar with the life experiences I’ve been through, and they could speak truth into my life without bias of context.

Once allowed to take a step back and analyze these past two years in the context of my life as a whole (both the past and my dreams for the future), I can see how they play an invaluable role in determining the person I’ve become and the person I want to be. This is an experience that has undoubtedly marked the path that I want to follow and has given me direction.

Upon graduating college, I had no idea what type of profession I wanted to enter into, but I just knew that I wanted to love people in a radical way and do something important with my life, be a world-changer. Being the type of person who always wanted to be in control and know every exact detail of what the future holds, it was a huge struggle for me to humble myself in accepting a role that I had never anticipated and for which I felt very unqualified: I became a missionary. The lessons I’ve learned while working with Students International in Guatemala have profoundly affected who I am as a person and how I view the world. I’ve discovered a love for working with students and accompanying them through challenging situations and battling against an apathetic outlook when things get tough. I’ve loved seeing students discover a passion in them that they had never considered and that spark gets lit in them and you just know that they are going to do big, important things in their life. I passionately expose students to new perspectives that they’ve never considered and challenge their assumptions so that they adopt a more global perspective and are inspired to seek justice. Having the opportunity to visit with very important mentors in my life while I was in the US encouraged me and reminded me of the goal that I now have my eyes set on, that which my experiences in Guatemala have instilled in me as my purpose and passion. I take these people that have been so influential in my life as great examples of the person that I want to be, the kind of impact that I want to have on this world, the investment that I want to make in others to exponentially draw this world to Christ.

As I said, more than anything, my trip home provided me with clarity. I get easily inspired by many exciting things that are going on that I am so supportive of and completely believe in, but in order to streamline my efforts and focus my ambition, I needed to be reminded of the clear path that I have discovered and the passion that is so definitive of who I want to be. I feel encouraged and inspired to pursue these dreams full force, and to once again take steps in faith, forward towards the goal, even when the details of the journey are not 100% clear to me yet. After all, that is how I ended up in Guatemala in the first place. It’s been a journey of faith this whole time. And just when I start to get comfortable and feel that I am in control again, I am reminded who is truly in charge and I am humbled to make bold moves in strength that is not my own. These nearly two years in Guatemala have shown me the potential inside me and have expanded my perception of my abilities so that I feel empowered and confident to attempt things in my life that I had never dreamed of. I feel confident of this potential and fearless enough to just maybe go for it! Again, I don’t necessarily have all the details panned out, but I feel excited to keep moving forward and attempt even bigger, scarier things that I’d never dreamed I would do. I am excited to continue the process of learning and becoming equipped for this task that God has before me. The bigger picture is continually becoming clearer to me and I like the way it looks! I just pray that God would continue to be my guide and that any decisions I make would not be influenced by doubt, fear, or selfish desires.

Thank you to all of you who continually pour into me and fill me with courage and confidence, helping me to believe in myself, so that I am empowered to live fearlessly, love radically, and be a world-changer. It meant so much for me to be able to visit with you and to hear that I make you proud because you mean so much to me. I pray that the investment you’ve made in me would be multiplied unto others as I learn to make impactful investments through discipleship and mentoring. And above all, I pray that in all I do, the people with whom I interact would see Christ in me and be drawn to His mercy. As my commitment with SI is soon to be completed, I ask that you would pray for my next steps, that God would clearly guide me, and that I would transition smoothly in a way that honors the great amount of love I have in my heart for the people I have grown so close to in the past 5 years.

Just a few photos from my trip home…

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